I think my life's been pretty much a waste. I was smart in school, I probably could have been anything in the world. But I was too scared to leave my friends and my home. I didn't have enough confidence or courage to use the intelligence. So I became a mechanic. I got treated like shit at that job so much so that my job was given away. Total lack of respect for me. So I decided I didn't want to be a mechanic anymore. All that training and work experience gone to waste.

I now work at Cardinal Fire and Safety/ Maritime Shooting Sports. I recharge fire extinguishers in a dirty little room, a job a monkey could do. I also do all the paper work for Maritime Shooting Sports, watch the front counter and answer phones when the desk lady doesn't show up, open the store in the morning, and a plethora of other things that I never agreed to do. Once again I'm just a little underpaid bitch that everyone unloads their responsibilities on. The other MSS employee is immature and refuses to listen and follow protocol so nobody wants him to touch any paperwork or make decisions, they want me to do it. This makes him jealous so when he's in a bad mood he treats me like shit. So again I'm in a position where I work my ass off and get very little to no respect from anyone.

I don't like my job right now, things aren't the way I was told they would be. I have no help with the extinguishers, I'm assigned tasks I haven't been trained to do, etc. Unfortunately I've got no other direction to turn. No training or skills. I'm back where I started from. So essentially I've accomplished sweet dick fuck all in 22 years.

I often think about my uncle, and how many people were touched by his life. A life that was taken too early. It should have been me, I'm obviously going nowhere. When he died a huge portion of me did anyway. It should have been me.